Category: Humor

Let me tell you—people say I don’t read, that’s fake news—I read a book about Adam. Slow­ly. Cause this is a big job, peo­ple say you did a lot in busi­ness, but this is a big job—bigger than I thought it would be. So I don’t have as much time to read, but I read it. It took 100 days. But Adam—people don’t know this—Adam, he was a tough guy, had to be, the first man, but he had a big heart. May have been his one flaw, you know, too big a heart, and Eve tricked him. Sad. But you got­ta give the guy his heart. But Mela­nia would nev­er do what Eve did, let me tell you.

Just as the priest sched­ules sac­ristans and Extra­or­di­nary Min­is­ters before each Mass, so he will sched­ule team cap­tains. The team cap­tains will sta­tion them­selves at their assigned row of pews 30 min­utes before the start of each Mass. Those who arrive ear­ly will have their choice of cap­tain. Those who arrive late will have to accept whichev­er cap­tain has remain­ing seats. That will ensure that peo­ple will have the nec­es­sary zeal to arrive at Mass ear­ly; pos­si­bly smash­ing into each other’s cars in the park­ing lot and rac­ing each oth­er down and tail­gat­ing.