Salvation history according to Donald Trump.

BY: Henry Matthew Alt • May 3, 2017 • Humor

Image via Pix­abay
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et me tell you—people say I don’t read, that’s fake news. It’s fake. I read a book about Adam. Slow­ly. Cause this is a big job, peo­ple say you did a lot in busi­ness, but this is a big job—bigger than I thought it would be. It’s yuuge. So I don’t have as much time to read, but I read it. It took 100 days.

But Adam—people don’t know this, peo­ple talk, they say, hey, you know, Adam, but they don’t know—Adam, he was a tough guy, had to be, the first man, but he had a big heart. May have been his one flaw, you know, too big a heart, and Eve tricked him. Sad. But you got­ta give the guy his heart. But Mela­nia would nev­er do what Eve did, let me tell you. She’s a great first lady, the best of all of them. Bet­ter than Mrs. Jack­son. Every­one says so.

But Adam, not many peo­ple know this, but he saw what was going on with the cru­ci­fix­ion, and it made him angry. He said, “There’s no rea­son for this. What did I do? Eat some fruit, and there’s a cru­ci­fix­ion?” Does that make sense? Think about it. It made him angry. If only Adam had come a lit­tle lat­er, he’d have been able to stop it. There’d have been no cru­ci­fix­ion.

But if you think about it, the crucifixion!—I mean, why? Nobody asks that. That could­n’t have been worked out? I mean, it was a cru­ci­fix­ion. Why have a cru­ci­fix­ion? No one thinks about it, but why? You can’t make a deal? Pilate, Caiaphas, they weren’t such a bad guys. And Adam’s heart was big—tough, but big.

I mean, real­ly, cru­ci­fix­ion? Why? Who asks?

 


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